Episode 4: Toxic Femininity
In her award winning novel Beloved, Toni Morrison writes, “they were not holding hands but their shadows were.” As a people who have survived some of the worst transgressions known to mankind, our survival has been studied, dismantled and used as a means to lessen our value. Still, we survive. Still, we thrive. Healing, for the most part, does not feel good. But it is overall…good. In our discussion of toxic femininity, the overall message that was squeezed out is that Black feminine energy has done a hell of a job at healing itself – has done a divine job at rising from the ashes to be birthed anew. However, along the way she left a landscape that is now a bit barren, still scorching-hot in places, begging for water and electrolytes.
To be toxic and feminine is to be a world turned in on itself. It is poisoned wet, air void of oxygen, the ground turned quicksand. It is a space that only feminine energy can permeate in an effort to heal. In our spiritual journeys as feminines, we realize just how integral our health is to the collective. A beautiful black woman is a healthy black woman – inside and out! It is liberating to know that black masculine energy has come into their own space of healing and can no longer exist in a space of toxicity if we (as feminines) do not. Though some may be surprised that feminine energy is leading the way in the realm of overall healing in the black romantic sector, I think it’s fair to say that Sierra (lil sis) and I are not surprised in the least bit. Our DNA is one of healing.
Our shadows have held hands long enough. It is now time to let loose of what has become somewhat comfortable (in all it’s toxicity and malnourished form) in an effort to cradle something new, full and healthy. Whether you view toxic femininity as a mere function of toxic masculinity or as it’s own singular construct, I think we can all agree that women desire to embody receptivity… Feminine energy wants to receive, absorb, soak up what’s good, cradle & rock it ’til it resembles it’s parentage, then birth better. Herein lies her power. To be receptive is to have the freedom to want…and the wanting has returned (hallelujah!) – without fear of not receiving; without fear of half-empty having to be enough; without fear of the ego stepping in to protect her from her own dreams.
Is the above imagery an example of toxic femininity within the realm of black romanticism? It is an important condition to ponder, as we all agree on the traditional forms of bad female behavior (trapping, dangling, using, abusing, etc.) but we venture to say that there may be indeed a new, more jig-sawed & layered form of toxic femme behavior. No matter your view or answer, I think we all can pinpoint the many issues (or triggers) that are brought to the surface by this very simple depiction and even more lucid verbiage. Once healthy in our own right, do black feminines (considering both the historical and social context in which we’ve all been forced to mature in) now owe it to themselves and their potential partners to set a new bar? And is it healthy to do so?
Do yourself a favor and take a swig of this medicinal syrup (sirRIP – I stay somewhere w/ the wordplay 🎶 😉) while pondering the above image and question:
https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/toxfemmesirrip/pl.u-2aoqXEeIqPZokE
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